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Saturday Afternoon Eats: Cafe Valerie

8 Russell Street
Covent Garden
London WC2 5HZ

The Victim: ConAnn

I was very tired, I was very merry. And I was very hungry. Long story but my friend Amy from school--who's bad cop to my good cop--told me I had to meet her friend ConAnn who now lives in London with her husband. So ConAnn and I met up for lunch and, well, what else do you do on a Saturday afternoon but get a manicure?

She lives in an awesome flat on Covent Garden. Rupert Everett was considering buying upstairs. Fancy! So we needed a quick lunch so we could make our manicure appointments so we went to Cafe Valerie.

Oh my God. (And you must imagine my Long Island Accent now.) It was so crowded. We couldn't even enter. But lucky for us, a table had opened up outside and we scooped it up because it was drizzly and no one else wanted it.

Service was prompt and friendly and efficient. I got the chicken ceasar and it was satisfying. Not the best, but certainly not the worse. It was good. ConAnn got the tomato mozeralla salad, and some french fries. (And why not?) The frites were served in the French bistro way--the big bowl--which I'm a big fan of after spending so much time in the International terminal at Heathrow. (The restaurant in the corner--my secret!)

The Verdict: I'd go again if I needed a quick lunch that was slower than fast food but faster than slow food.

Business Lunch: The Don

The Courtyard
20 St Swithin's Lane
London EC4N 8AD

The Victims: Chris, Client

So I had reservations at Novelli, but I wasn't convinced I wanted to go back there again. So I called around to try for something else and eventually made my way to The Don. Good sign: the friendly person at the other end of the phone politely informed me that although they were booked for 12:30, she would take my name and number and call me back if there were any cancellations. THIS IS GOOD SERVICE. Yey! England scores 1. That's 1-14 now, I believe.

What do you know it, but heck, there was a cancellation! So we got in and walked down the street. I loved the entranceway--it's a little courtyard. Very cute. All it needed were a few chickens. We were greeted in an extremely friendly manner (but not in a bad way) by the Maitre'D (sp?) and the hostess. Then we had to walk downstairs, which totally sucked because I was wearing very extravagant shoes.

We were seated at what was really a table for two with a third chair pulled up to it. That was unfortunate, and The Don earns one strike for that.

So then we ordered some starters. I had the goat cheese mouse with a green salad. It was DELICIOUS. Yummy. Chris had the risotto and Client had the foie gras. Everything looked super yummy.

So I ordered my entree and I got the steak with bernaise sauce and chips. I made the mistake of ordering my steak medium and not medium rare. My knife was not strong enough to cut the meat, which was quite unfortunate for everyone because by the time I had had enough, it looked like Lassie had had her way with it.

The chips were great. The baked tomato was unfortunate. And my choice of English mustard was a BAD one. It's like WASABI and this is not Japan!

The Verdict: I might go here again for a business lunch, but I felt that the menu was a bit limited. Although I loved my goat cheese mouse, I was hoping for a green salad followed by a bigger green salad. Why don't people in this country have salads as entrees? And why does all my mail say "Miss" Krista? That makes me sound like a transvestite. Mysteries I will never solve.

Business Breakfast, Lunch: No. 1 Lombard Street

1 Lombard Street
London EC3V 9AA

Date of Last Visit: Sometime in Late May, 2004

The Victims: Chris, Keith, 2 Clients Named Sam

We booked No. 1 Lombard for an 8 a.m. breakfast meeting. Although I was tempted to order a Mimosa, I was tricked into having their special apple juice. Advice to Last a Lifetime: When offered "special juice," decline. The juice was a suspension, something I haven't seen since Mrs. Librizzi's biology class in 1992.

Service ignored us, but this was good because we were chatting about business, making deals. Good times. The restaurant was FREEZING but it wasn't that cold out. And there was no one in the place. They're obviously not known for breakfast.

HOWEVER, my French Toast was SPLENDID. Almost as good as mom's. (And she's a fabulous chef, if I do say so myself.) Yummy. No powdered sugar, but then again, this isn't Friendly's. Everyone else's food looked yummy yummy too, and all our plates were clean at the end of the meal, so that must be a good sign. Honestly, at this point, I don't remember what everyone ordered, but I know we were all very happy and it was a very nice way to start the day.

And we did some business too! Not bad!

The Verdict: Good for a business breakfast if you want to be alone, very very alone. Not sure what lunch is like. One of these days, I'll find out and let you know!

Fun Italian: La Lanterna

Pizzeria La Lanterna
6 Mill Street
Lantern Buildings
London SE1 2BA
020 7252 2420

The Victims: Too many to mention. Richard, Maria, Al, 2 Germans, 1 Columbian, and 2 additional real Englishmen.

I don't know what I was thinking, going out for dinner at 10 pm on a work night. Bad bad idea. But Richard is Italian and this is how he lives. So we meet at La Lanterna and our waiter is crazy and gregarious and I can't understand a word he is saying. Richard orders pizza as a starter, so I think, "Well if pizza is a starter, I suppose I should have some pasta as a main dish." So that's what I get. For like 14 GBP. Everyone else gets pizza, which was just so odd for me. Pizza followed by pizza?

So my pasta comes and it is DELICIOUS. But so not on the Atkins diet. It's got huge shrimps in it and it's in this creamily delicious sauce. But the dish is HUGE. It's enough to feed me for a week, seriously. So I eat the shrimps and a half-cup of pasta, but that's all I can take.

Now what I really dislike is waste. I believe in doggie bags. If I don't eat it, who will? No one. It will just be thrown out. But this being England, I am not allowed to ask for a doggie bag, so I have to watch while they take away my 1/6-eaten, 14 GBP-costing pasta. And I am so sad, because it is so delicious.

Well then they bring out the lemoncella and things get hazy after that. I know I got stuck on the way walking home because there's a little bridge in Shad Thames that closes at 11 and I didn't find that out until it was too late so I had to walk all the way in the opposite direction and not get that pretty view of Tower Bridge at night.

The Verdict: Go here for casual. delicious Italian food, but watch out for the size of those pastas!

Mexican, Dirty Bar: Cafe El Paso

Cafe El Paso
350-354 Old Street
EC1V 9NQ
020 7739 4202

Date of Last Visit: Sometime in mid-June, 2004

The Victim: Claudia from Work

So one night, I wanted to have a girls night from work. Claudia was up for it. She's great...crazy Romanian, married to an Englishman she met in Vegas. So I wanted margaritas, and we were going to go to La Perla in Covent Garden, but I just happened to call them up and it was very hot outside and they said their air conditioner was broken. So screw that. So we went to this place called Cafe El Paso.

I believe in the Internet and patron reviews, and all the reviews said this place was great. So we arrived, and it was really dodgy. And I mean really dodgy. There was no one really there (uh, I had made a reservation) and it was dirty and suspicious looking.

But we stuck it out, although Claudia admitted later she was tempted to suggest the restaurant across the street. And I was happy. Because my first margarita was delicious. My third even more so. Service was friendly but spacey, but I kinda liked that.

My favorite part was when the waitress told me the fajitas didn't come with tortillas, they just came plain with meat and veggies. But if I wanted, I could have some nachos. Nachos!!! When the tortillas finally showed up, I was so happy because they just made everything much more delicious.

Claudia got the tacos and completely licked her plate clean. It was amazing. I will go back to Cafe El Paso, but I think it takes a certain type of person to appreciate it. It's like a fast food bar, to be honest with you. There should be peanut shells on the floor or something.

The Verdict: Go, but keep your expectations low and you'll be pleasantly surprised!

Business Thai, Happy Hour: Silks & Spice

Silks & Spice
11 Queen Victoria Street
EC4N 4UJ
020 7248 7878

Date of Last Visit: Late May, 2004

The Victims: Many over multiple visits.

Ilike Thai food. Almost as much as I like Chinese food. More than anything in the world, I miss Penny's Noodles on Diversey & Sheffield in Chicago. For $5, I could have a great meal, and the little Thai man at the counter knew who I was.

So I like Silks & Spice, but it's big and sprawling and the people at the counter will never know my name. But I've been here three times, and have always had good experiences, so maybe someday. The food is delicious and it comes FAST and the service is friendly but not overly so.

It's not pretentious; it's just good eating. Have I told you how much I love prawn crackers? Why don't they have those in my country? Be careful ordering larger beers because they are VERY LARGE. And try to sit in the front and not the back--the back has a banquet hall feel to it that I'm not all that cool with.

Try to go here on Friday nights because they have a decent happy hour special and it's very un-crowded which I like. Reminds me of the old days at Uncle Phil's International Bar.

The Verdict: Go for lunch. Probably not fancy enough for dinner. Decent food, decent prices, no complaints.

Business Thai: Sri Thai

Sri Thia
Bucklersbury House
3 Queen Victoria Street
EC4N 4PQ   

Date of Last Visit: Early May, 2004

The Victims: David, Man, Chris

So normally, I go to a different Thai restaurant in The City. But everyone told me Sri Thai was nicer so I had to go there. And I did. And it smelled funny. Like mold or something. It was weird. And we were the only people there. (See, being American, I like to eat at 12. I've compromised on 12:30, but still, I seem to eat earlier than any British people I know.)

We had a good meal. But again, 14-million different people waited on us; dude, why can't I just have one???? The food was good. I can't say anything bad about it. It was tasty and we ate it all up. The dessert was yummy too, but very un-Thai (uh, Lemon Tart). And my green tea was fabulous.

But the place is just so big and sprawling, I'm sure if I came here every day, no one would ever know my name. And that's my goal...to find a place where everybody knows my name. This place is not it.

The Verdict: Go if you want some Thai, but check out my other Business Thai reviews. There are other options, and they don't smell funny!

Business Lunch, Hotel Restaurant Atmosphere: Novelli

London Capital Club
14 Abchurch Lane
London EC4N 7BW

Date of Last Visit: June 23, 2004

The Victim: Keith and client

***Novelli in the City is Now Closed***

I was SO excited to go to Novelli because I heard it was fantabulous. I know the London Capital Club (LCC) because we're allowed to use it for business meetings, which is nice. And Novelli is downstairs in the basement.

Let me say that again. Novelli is in the BASEMENT. This means NO windows. This means small space. This means STAIRS. Sometimes, I get tired of this country and its stairs. There are no stairs in my country.

So down we go. And Novelli is again like a souless hotel bar. (OK, I spent way too much time at the Regent Sydney--now the Four Seasons--hotel bar, and I'm suspicious of any bar/restaurant that reminds me anything of that!) And it's a lot smaller than I thought it would be.

Service was unkempt. And well, off. Not friendly and not nice. Hello--why can't service in this country just be FRIENDLY AND NICE?? I don't get it. Again, we had like 3 different people waiting on us. Dude, I just want one.

My food, however, was EXCELLENT. My green salad was sprinkled with a delicious dressing and my shrimps and scallops and couscous and chickpeas were yummy yummy. And then I had some creme brulee and it was served in the American fashion--the low flat dish--and it had little vanilla beans in it. YUMMY.

The Verdict: If you want to spend some money on a business lunch/dinner, check this place out. But be demanding about your service. They could achieve much, if they'd only be fantabulous to their customers.

Great Burgers, Casual Dinner: Black and Blue

Black & Blue
215-217 Kensington Church Street
W8 7LX

Date of Last Visit: Sometime in late April, 2004

The Victims: Syl, Ken, Matt

So I get this random phone call one night, telling me to come out to eat.

I'm told to come to Kensington Church Street, and it's 200 and something, but they're not sure. So my taxi takes me about roughly in that area and it is POURING rain and I'm tired and so ready to go home, but behold, I stumble across Black & Blue and luckily, the boys haven't been seated yet.

The boys are drinking Budweiser, and I love Bud because it is, after all, the King of Beers. So I go up to the bar to order some more and it takes FOREVER so finally I order some extras because I don't ever want to wait for beer again.

I go back to the boys and they are eternally grateful. We hang out and are finally seated. We order burgers and mine is DELICIOUS. But I think someone at our table had something that was somewhat uncooked and hey, that's DISGUSTING.

Randomly enough, Syl ran into his friend Molly's friend who is English but spent some time in Chicago. She was out to dinner with her parents and sister. So afterwards, we went to Windsor Castle (the pub) and hung out with them (sans parents) and it was fun.

OK, so I'm not writing much about the restaurant. B&B was good. It was friendly, it was fun, it was well-decorated, and the food was delicious. With the exception of what I think was someone's little uncooked bit. But it's two months later and maybe I'm only just vaguely remembering that and I could be totally wrong.

So I'd go here again, particularly if I wanted a burger and just wanted to wear jeans and trainers and be me.

The Verdict: Go when you're hungry, but don't want to expend so much in the way of effort.

Brunch, Neighborhood Hangout: Electric Brasserie

Electric Brasserie
191 Portobello Road
W11 2ED
020 7908 9696

Date of Last Visit: Sunday, June 27, 2004

The Victim: Steve, my friend Chris' wife Julie's friend from work.

So one Sunday, I wandered down Portobello Road in search of sustenance. Eventually, we happened upon the Electric Brasserie and we said, "Hey, that looks good." And it was. Inside, it's just very welcoming, with a bit of hotel bar feel to it. (But no actual bar where you sit by yourself eating nuts.)

There are lots of tables, and it's ueber-crowded, but it's a good mix of trendy types and "Hey, my parents are in town and I should take them for brunch" type people. (No babies, however.) Service was random--I feel like we were waited on by 20 different people, but it was still randomly friendly and happy, which is good.

We sat at a little table half-way between the front and the back and it was a bad spot because I could see straight into the REAL kitchen, not the fake-y show-y kitchen. But I was soon distracted by my seared tuna ceasar salad which was fantabulous. I loved it. Yummy, yummy.

Steve had a burger, and it looked delicious. The people next to us ordered roast beef and it looked very raw, but hey, different strokes for different folks. I don't think the waiter ever asked Steve how he wanted his burger cooked; I found that strange too. But oh well.

I had three 1/2 pints of lager and they were good. Steve said his three (3) Vodka OJs were delicious and that the OJ was the best he ever had. So I think there were some points scored there.

The Verdict: Overall, I would highly recommend thus far. I think it's a bit of a scene, but hey, that's why we eat out. My food was super tasty and the service was friendly and the ladies' room was nice enough (although NO TP!!!!). They did boast high quality bath products, which were super nice.